A date on the ocean and my word for 2019: Refuge

A few weeks ago, I took my "good camera" along on a kayak fishing date with my Hero. By the end of the evening the colors surrounding us were almost un-real. So many rich oranges and pinks bouncing off the water and into the sky. The stillness. The peaceful sound of the kayak's paddle whooshing us through the ocean and birds talking in all their languages as they flew over us and into the mangroves. It was breathtaking.

This military move has been hard on my heart. My joyful, positive, thankful, always-choose-to-see-the-good-self finds it hard to admit that out loud. I know I'm weak without Jesus, but I have needed His strength in new ways this move. Maybe its the combined 13 moves and the feeling that pieces of my heart are scattered across the globe?

The nomadic military lifestyle is packed full of blessings, but is also heart wrenching to pour ourselves into people and places that we call home for just a short time. I've always said we are on a "short-term-mission-tip", but some of those trips make it harder to change course, settling into and embracing a new home. That's been the case for me the past 7 months. I haven't wanted to re-settled and I've begged God to change my heart. And in His kindness, He has. I've come to see that the Lord had a lot of refining to do in me that I didn’t know needed to be done (more still to do). I'm so thankful He is never finished with me! The work He started, He will complete (Philippians 1:6). Sometimes that completion comes in hard ways; cutting the branches that don't bear fruit, pruning areas I thought I had already surrendered, and teaching me that He is truly all I need.

Backtracking a bit; in 2006 I was the speaker for several purity balls. The woman who planned one of the events called to talk and pray with me. At one point she shared that she chose one word each year to be her focus. Since then I've heard this concept in churches, on my goal sheets, and from other friends, but at the time it was new to me. I decided to try it out and have been amazed at how the Lord has directed my heart towards Him as I've focused on my word for each year. This year, 2019, I chose the word "Refuge." In all honestly, I was a bit concerned that something bad was going to happen, because Refuge was quite a different pick from words past. How was I going to need my Refuge, my Savior, this year? Why should I focus on a shelter from trouble or a safe haven? What trials were to come? As I searched scripture, I found so many places, especially in Psalm, where the Lord is described as my Refuge...

"I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust." ~ Psalm 91:2

"Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge." ~ Psalm 16:1

"You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your Word." ~ Psalm 119:114

Here are just a few instances I saw the Lord as my Refuge this past year:

My Refuge through weeks of sickness cycling through our home (several times) in Germany.

My Refuge when Savannah severely sprained her ankle and as her basketball team’s captain, played through it, not wanting to let her teammates down. (Daily He is my Refuge though mommy-heart-issues).

My Refuge every time my Hero traveled out of the country for work.

My Refuge when family plans looked different than I expected or when misunderstandings and arguments wanted to steal joy.

My Refuge when the movers came to pack up our household goods, sending them from Germany to America again.

My Refuge when my little Joshua burst into tears as we left our German home for the last time and when our family cried saying "see-you-later" to dear friends in Germany (on Mother's Day).

My Refuge when tears filled my eyes as we landed in Florida (not because I wasn't happy to be here, but because it was so hard to say good-bye).

My Refuge when I unpacked our new home and prayerfully began to create a new refuge for my family.

My Refuge when my girls took their first solo airline flights to visit friends in another state.

My Refuge when one of my children began suffering severely with allergies and has needed treatment.

My Refuge when a close friend went through a terrible health crisis and another dear friend lost her mother to a heart attack. I was far from them both and felt so helpless. My Refuge reminded me of the power of prayer and the honor of standing in the gap for my precious sisters in Christ.

My Refuge a thousand times when I didn't know answers, was overwhelmed, when days felt full, and to-do-lists got long. 

My Refuge when I was so focused on earthly things, forgetting that only what we store up for eternity will last.

My Refuge when fears about the future crept in.

My Refuge when I was exhausted because precious little ones woke me up early and busy big kids kept me up late.

Me Refuge through all the laughter and celebrations!

My Refuge when I didn't feel "at home" or part of a community yet.

My Refuge. My Safe Place. My Shelter. My Savior. My Hiding Place. My Oasis. My All. 

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our Refuge.

 ~ Psalm 62:8